Q: I’m a mother of my five, bli ayin hara, and now in this era of corona with the kids out of school, we’re all cooped up together at home 24/7. Obviously, this comes along with its set of challenges, but my greater concern right now is my eldest son who is a particularly intelligent, astute and sensitive child. He’s taking the whole coronavirus issue very seriously, spends hours listening to news updates, and is unusually quiet. He seems constantly anxious and distressed, and I’m wondering if this whole situation is affecting him negatively and what I can do to help him?
Hagaon Harav Dovid Levy shlit”a responds:
I wish to preface my response by stating that fear and worry are very natural, normal emotions in these times, and that they also have an important role—which is helping us prepare and cope with this foreign and unprecedented situation in which we find ourselves. In contrast to adults, when children experience fear or tension, it is largely detrimental since they lack the psychological tools to cope with these complex emotions.
As parents, we have the capacity to reduce the tension and anxiety in our children’s life right now and help them cope with their feelings, as I will explain:
Helping children manage and overcome fear does not mean telling them, “Don’t be afraid” or “Calm down.” These quick-fix comments are not only entirely ineffective, but in many cases, effect the exact opposite by actually augmenting fear. The way to help children surmount apprehension is to explain, or better yet, convey to them through our own conduct and nonverbal messages that things are under control and that we are not powerless. We must express verbally and through our actions that Hashem is Master of the world, and that we are in His loving Hands at all times. Just as He helped us until today, safeguarded us from countless illnesses and maladies, and showered us with gifts and brachos, so too, if it is His will, then everything shall continue running smoothly in our lives.
Engaging our children in positive, productive and satisfying activities is another excellent means of distracting them from their worries and the frequent news updates. We can learn topics with them that interest them and offer them opportunities to prove their capabilities by including them in important activities such as Pesach cleaning or entertaining their younger siblings, while making sure that they have time for their own hobbies and play.
Another way to dispel tension is by demonstrating through words and actions that coronavirus has granted us a very rare and special gift of family togetherness. Many parents still fondly recall the Gulf War and those nerve-wracking hours spent waiting in the sealed rooms as priceless family time…
Creating and maintaining a regular schedule is beneficial for everyone in the family and fosters a sense of security and comfort in the home. Children—and parents—should avoid listening obsessively to news updates, and it’s advisable to tell your kids that there is a tremendous amount of fake news abounding, and that you will inform them of any important, reliable information twice a day.
The primary roots of fear are ambiguity, lack of knowledge, and the sentiments of powerlessness and anxiety that there is nothing we can to do protect ourselves. Parents should emphasize to their kids that the things we tend to fear most are those that are strange or unfamiliar to us, and that the best way to overcome fear is to make the acquaintance of the object of our fear. This means that we should explain to kids—in an age-appropriate manner—what coronavirus is, what causes it, how it spreads, and most importantly, how to keep safe and healthy.
Information and explanation are invaluable tools, especially now when the constant talk of seclusion and social distancing fosters the feeling that something terrible is about to happen. It’s crucial to explain to kids that the main purpose of all these guidelines is just to prevent contagion since the public health system cannot accommodate so many patients at once—and not because the disease itself is so hazardous.
Lastly, it’s important to adhere to the Ministry of Health’s guidelines to the greatest extent possible. This includes keeping safe distances from other people and following all rules of hygiene. The above not only prevents further contagion and infection, but also helps us surmount our fears since it gives us a sense of control and empowers us to continue coping with the challenges.
May it be the will of Hashem that we shall witness the fulfillment of the passuk, “And the plague ended!” very soon!
Comentários