How can we raise righteous children in our generation?

Dear Rav Dovid Levy shlit”a

I’m an avreich and father of young children. When I look around at the world, I can’t help but worry. What can a parent do to raise children who will be yirei Shamayim, good and honest kids and adults?

Hagaon Harav Dovid Levy shlit”a replies: Your question makes it sound as if the situation today is worse than it was in the past, but I beg to differ. Enter any beis medrash or yeshivah, and you’ll see dozens and sometimes hundreds of talmidei chachamim, young and old, learning Torah with bren. Walk into any shul or shteibel and you’ll find hundreds—and in some cases thousands!—of Yidden from all walks of life who are stringent to daven with a minyan and are koveiah ittim laTorah. Our chadarim, yeshivos and mosdos are filled to capacity with earnest talmidim who learn with energy, diligence and simchah.

A generation ago, no one would have believed this was possible. People felt that Torah and mitzvos were obsolete, part of a dark, medieval past that had no future in the modern world, chas veshalom. Baruch Hashem, we have witnessed the exact opposite. The Torah world is flourishing and developing at an unprecedented rate, and never in history have so many Yidden learned Torah.

Yes, there are many frightening nisyonos in our generation, but nisyonos are not unique to contemporary times. Every era had its nisyonos that were custom-fit for the people and times. And unlike the past, our generation is blessed with many wonderful initiatives that help parents and children cope with and surmount their challenges.

Now, back to your question of what you, as a parent, can do to raise good kids who will grow into yirei Shamayim and live genuine Torah lives.

As we know, good kids are the product of many, many factors: Tefillos, zechus avos, chinuch, and above all, siyata diShmaya. Notwithstanding, I do want to emphasize one point that I feel is essential to raising kids with yiras Shamayim and strong values, and that’s simchah in the home – a happy, joyous, pleasant and accepting atmosphere that embraces children in warmth and love.

Virtually anyone involved in chinuch will agree with me: When there is stress, anger and tension in the home, when parents argue or fight, or alternatively—and sometimes worse—when kids suffer humiliation, fear or rejection and feel unwanted or unloved, the results are disastrous.

Everyone enjoys a calm, pleasant atmosphere. No one wants to be in a place that’s rife with tension or unpleasantness.

In today’s world, which really is replete with many daunting spiritual challenges, a happy, pleasant home is the only safe place where we can successfully raise the next generation to follow the ways of the Torah. When a child faces any formidable spiritual challenge or desire, he’ll see the happy, loving and pleasant home that he is liable to lose on the other side of the scale. He’ll think of the warm, uplifting atmosphere, his doting parents, his caring siblings, and he won’t want to risk losing them for transient pleasure.

[We see this already in the times of Avraham Avinu a”h whom the Torah describes as “Ki yedativ lema’an asher yetzaveh es banav v’es beiso acharav v’shamru derech Hashem la’asos tzedakah u’mishpat. (Bereishis 18:19).

Chazal teach: “First tzedakah and then mishpat,” as Avraham would prepare a meal for every wayfarer. After his guest would finish eating and thank him, Avraham would answer, “Bless the One Who spoke and created the world Whose food you have eaten.”

If the guest would agree, then Avraham would be satisfied; but if he refused, he would demand payment for his meal, as this is “mishpat, justice.” As such, all who entered Avraham’s home would bless the Name of Hashem, Master of the world.”’

When your yeshivah bachur son calls up, talk to him. Fill him in on all the goings-on in the house and listen to what he has to say. Give him the feeling that you enjoy talking to him.

Our relationships with our children must be so much more than the technical aspects and weekly tests to ensure that they’re up to par. Broadcast trust and appreciation to your children; show them that you believe in them and in their potential to succeed now and in the future. Shower them with love that is irrespective of their successes and test grades.

And b’ezras Hashem, you should be zocheh to siyata diShmaya, and the words of Chazal “Yehi ratzon shekol netios shenotim mimcha yihiyu kemoscha” should be fulfilled in you and your family!