Dear Rabbi Levy, shlit”a
Over the course of Succos, I found myself reflecting a lot about the mitzvah of simchah. It’s said in the name of the Vilna Gaon that simchah is the hardest mitzvah of all, and honestly, I’ve always felt like that. How can a person be commanded to rejoice? Simchah isn’t something that we can order or buy in a store. It’s a feeling and not something we choose, especially when dealing with real challenges and painful situations in life. I’d be very grateful if the Rav could please clarify this issue.
Hagaon Harav Dovid Levy shlit”a replies: This is an excellent question that many people struggle to understand, but I’ll begin by pointing out that there are several mitzvos in the Torah that directly address our feelings. Perhaps the most famous one is the last of the Aseres Hadibros: “Lo sachmod, do not covet.”
Mefarshim on this passuk discuss your question at length and offer various explanations on the matter. Since this forum is limited, I advise you to see what they write on this subject, while we focus on your specific question regarding the obligation to feel happy and rejoice on Yom Tov.
Observing the world around us, we see that there are people who can successfully make a sharp emotional switch from one moment to the next, such as a Rav who in the course of a single hour is mesader kiddushin at a wedding and then visits a patient in the hospital, attends a shivah house or even a levayah r”l. On a sweeter note, we also see that toddlers and young children are capable of laughing and smiling while the tears from their previous tantrum haven’t yet dried on their cheeks.
What’s their secret? How do they do it?
The first step is to focus one’s thoughts and energies exclusively on the present. Live in and experience the moment with the knowledge that the past is over, the future is still to come, so what purpose or benefit is there in worrying?
This leads us to the question of why we expend so much time and energy worrying?
One reason is that we’re often convinced that it’s our duty to consider and remember everything all the time. However, if we think about it, we’ll discover that this is not the Torah way. On Shabbos, for example, we’re commanded to regard all our work as complete and not to reflect upon what we didn’t do and what we still have to accomplish…
Take the example of a mother whose son sets out on a class trip, and throughout the day, she can’t stop thinking of him. She’s frantic, constantly fretting if he’s safe, if he’s enjoying, if he’s hungry, thirsty or dehydrating, and if he has everything he needs… Obviously, this mother is suffering needlessly, and she would be far better off letting go and busying herself with other activities instead of feeling anxious all day long. The above is an extreme example, but in the same way, nothing will happen if we allow ourselves to surrender our worries on Shabbos, Yom Tov and any other time when we should be feeling simchah.
If we only make room in our hearts by removing some of our worries, the simchah will enter naturally!
Another way to develop feelings of simchah is by taking action and doing things that make us happy—each person in his or her own way. Chazal teach: “Man is required to gladden his wife and children on the festival in what causes them to rejoice, with wine. Rabbi Yuda says: Women in what is fitting for them, and children in what is fitting for them.”
Here is where we should also make an effort to overcome the widespread emotional barrier of “It’s pas nisht…” or “Singing, dancing or smiling is not for me…” If you’re one of those people who feels like that, then imagine that you’re singing, dancing or smiling for someone else, or for your child. Just as you would overcome your reservations to bring happiness to others, you deserve to do the same for yourself!
Accustom yourself to focusing on the present, clear worries from your heart, do things that make you happy, and above all, remember that you deserve to make yourself happy just like you make others happy!
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