Is the me they see on Purim the Real Me??‏‏

Q. I want to begin by expressing my appreciation for these wonderful, eye-opening articles that I’ve found very helpful.

Now that Purim has passed, a time of mishteh and simchah, I wanted to ask a theoretical question about what Chazal mean by their statement: “Bishloshah devarim adam nikar: B’koso, b’kiso u’vekaaso. A person is identified in three things: His cup, his pocket and his anger.”

A: Hagaon Harav Dovid Levy shlit”a replies: Your question isn’t theoretical at all, but very, very practical! Think about the Yid who gets up the morning after Purim and hears about his antics, and worse yet, has a sneaking suspicion that he’s only heard half of the story… Now he has to deal with the real identity that he revealed yesterday – a person who talks nonsense and makes a fool of himself.

But is that all he is?

He’s also a good husband and father, a talmid chacham and successful person, someone who offers generously of his means and wisdom to others. Are all these positive qualities are reduced to nothing in the face of his drunkenness?

Aside from this, we also need to understand why these three specific elements were chosen to express a person’s identity. Are they simply three examples of situations when all masks are removed, or is there something deeper here?

I believe that there’s a much deeper lesson here. These three simanim, three signs, parallel the three primary evils that destroy a person – kinah, jealousy; taavah, desire; and kavod, honor. It is no coincidence that these three also parallel the three cardinal sins of avodah zara, giluy arayos and shefichas damim. Anger parallels murder and jealousy; a cup [of wine] parallels giluy arayos and desire; and a pocket parallels avodah zara and honor.

A person is a multifaceted prism of intellect, wisdom, and actions that are manifest when he is in a regular, unagitated state.

Yet there are also qualities and inclinations that are latent, hidden beneath the surface, sometimes even subconscious and unbeknownst to the person himself. The time to get to know these hidden inclinations and qualities are when the person’s level of self-control is low.

Specifically, when a person is drunk, his nature and level of purity are revealed. When he is angry, one can see how he relates to others; and when his financial situation is either shaky or particularly smooth, his emunah and bitachon are revealed.

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If we’re already discussing getting drunk on Purim, I want to add an important point:

On Purim, there is certainly place for light-hearted banter and jokes, but often the humor tends to come at other people’s expense. People like to think that when they joke about someone, the person won’t take it seriously and simply dismiss it as a drunken comment. Yet the exact opposite is true: People regard other people’s remarks when said in an inebriated state as the truth that remained hidden until that very day. Therefore, even if the joke is well-meaning, and even if the person seems not to care, the comment often sears the victim on the inside.

Instead of making jokes about people, use the day of Purim to make them happy. Seize the opportunity to compliment them in a way that they shouldn’t think that you’re either flattering or manipulating them in order to achieve something that you want. Be as sincere and forthcoming as you can.

I believe that this is also the meaning of another one of the mitzvos of Purim – “Mishloach manos ish l’reiehu”—to give people the gift of a good word and good feeling.