Q: I know it’s only Adar Alef, and there’s no actual obligation to be ‘marbeh b’simchah’ yet, but I still want to know what’s the best way to spread simchah in a home? I’ve heard a great deal about the importance of simchah in the home, how it promotes shalom bayis, is beneficial for chinuch, etc., and I want some advice about how to ingrain simchah in the home.
Thank you for your help!
--An Avreich from Yerushalayim
Hagaon Harav Dovid Levy shlit”a replies: This is an excellent question, and no words can adequately emphasize just how essential simchah is to the home or its benefits to every aspect of family life—both physical and spiritual.
Still, if you were to tell someone, “Be happy,” they’d inevitably rejoin. “Why? Why should I be happy? I need a reason to be happy.” And there is truth to this.
The Vilna Gaon famously stated that the hardest mitzvah of all is “V’samachta b’chagecha,” which is the mitzvah to rejoice on the festival of Succos. Here, the simchah is different. Simchas Yom Tov means being actively b’simchah and focusing on closeness to Hashem, whereas the simchah of Adar and which extends throughout the year refers mainly to releasing tension and sadness.
While simchas Yom Tov definitely requires an extra dose of joyous effort, the simchah expected of us throughout the year isn’t so simple either, and proof of this is the prevailing moods around us. Most people aren’t jumping for joy, to put it mildly. They’re content at best, and more frequently anxious, unhappy or unfulfilled.
If we observe young children, we see that they’re naturally upbeat and happy, even if they suffer occasional hurts, boo-boos, humiliations, frustrations or disappointments. In most cases, a brief cry, kiss from mommy or even lollipop will restore their natural joie de vivre. As they get older, the smile tends to fade, replaced by a certain weight and seriousness, responsibility and tension that accompany the knowledge that we must regret the past or at the very least express concern about the future…
How can we overcome this adult tendency toward low moods?
One idea is to draw from the lesson that we learn on Shabbos when we are commanded to “Rest as if all your work is done” (Mechilta). I think it can be said that most shomrei Shabbos succeed at least quite well at this mitzvah, so how do they do it?
Hashem imbues within Yidden the power to distract themselves from their worries and concerns. A person can tell himself, this is not relevant now, and this is not the time to think about it.
During the week, we regard our reflections upon the past and concerns for the future as an integral aspect of our responsibility to ourselves and our family, but this is a mistake! Responsible thoughts are those that are effective and lead us to good places and constructive action. There is even a place for regret, which is a fundamental aspect of teshuvah, but most of the time, our minds should focus on calm, pleasant thoughts that lead us forward.
This is the kind of simchah that we must make extra effort to spread in our homes. Our children are constantly watching us; they are privy to our actions and reactions when we confront challenges and any major or minor event in life, and they emulate our responses and coping techniques. If we exude an air of calm, acceptance, emunah, hope and constructive activity, our children will learn to model the same behaviors as well.
These behaviors, coupled with confidence, also works wonders in our own hearts, even when we don’t really feel confident, calm, accepting or hopeful. There is tremendous value to maintaining a calm and positive façade—both in the home and in our own minds and hearts, as well, as the attitude that we exhibit to the outside world inevitably rubs off on us, as well. When a person acts calm, even if it’s no more than an act, he naturally calms down.
The Mishnah states: “Greet every person with happiness” (Avos 3:12). The Mirkeves Hamishnah illuminates that simchah is the magic potion to vitality and longevity, as it enhances the attributes that are the opposite of the mitzvos that lead a person out of this world—jealousy, desire and honor. And with simchah, he attains all the qualities that these people pursue, acquiring honor and love from all around him.
As Shlomo Hamelech teaches, “And one who is happy at heart, always rejoices!”
Comments