Dear Pele Yoetz,
Every year, when we reach Elul and Tishrei, I feel emotionally overwhelmed. It starts with the heaviness surrounding Elul, which of course, includes Selichos and fear of judgment during the Yamim Nora’im. This undergoes a complete turnaround with the simchah of Succos and Simchas HaTorah. On top of it all, there are all the mitzvos connected to Yom Tov, each with its distinct halachos and kavanos—from tekios on Rosh Hashanah to Arba Minim on Succos, etc., that altogether leave me feeling beleaguered and burdened.
I also have trouble dealing with the stark transition between the relaxing days of Bein Hazemanim and taxing days of Elul, and likewise between Yom Kippur and Succos, which all have their own distinct characters. I feel like this nonstop train of activity and emotion prevents me from entering into the right mindset and gaining what I could be gaining, and that by the time winter rolls around, I’m nowhere farther than I was the previous summer…
I would greatly appreciate if you could offer me insights and guidance regarding how to connect to and experience these special times in the right way.
Hagaon Harav Dovid Levy shlit”a responds: Your question describes your experience during the months of Elul and Tisrhei. You feel that, as a Yid, you should be connecting deeply and emotionally to the Yamim Nora’im and Yamim Tovim, but that instead of being a source of inspiration and pleasure, they become a burden and pressure. Additionally, you struggle with the swift transitions from joy to fear and back to joy, which you regard as conflicting, incongruous emotions.
Let me add another dimension to your question: In the halachos of Aseres Ymei Teshuvah, the Shulchan Aruch rules that even one who during the year is not stringent to avoid pas akum should avoid eating it during the Aseres Ymei Teshuvah.
What is the purpose of this halachah? If a person would stop eating pas akum and continue observing this chumrah in the future, then it would be a clear statement of teshuvah. But what is the purpose of undertaking a chumrah for just several days?
Perhaps this halachah expresses the concept that even in Yiddishkeit, there is place for the non-ideal, for the incomplete-but-still-striving Yid. We’ve grown accustomed to reiterating maamarei Chazal such as “Chayav adam lomar, ‘Masai yagi’u ma’asai lema’asei avosai?’ A man is obligated to say, ‘When will my actions reach the actions of my forefathers?’” And truly, if we don’t at least aspire and strive to reach the level of Rabbi Akiva Eiger, how then will we become talmidei chachamim?
Yet the other side of the coin is no less important. Chazal quote the passuk, “And you shall come to the Kohanim from [the family of] the Levi’im and to the judge who will be in those days,” and ask, is it possible to approach a Kohein, Levi or judge who lives in any other generation but your own? Rather, the message is that one should approach the Gadol of the time “and one should not say that the [leaders] in the earlier days are better than these.” (Rosh Hashanah 25b)
Why am I saying all this?
At the root of your sentiments are statements similar to those made by the Rambam upon teshuvah, such as “What is teshuvah? That the sinner should abandon his sin and remove it from his thoughts and determine in his heart that he will not repeat it again, as written, ‘A wicked person should abandon his ways, etc.’ And he should regret the past, as written, ‘For after I returned, I regretted,’ and the One Who Knows All That Is Hidden should attest of him that he will never repeat this sin again.”
The Vilna Gaon was once asked which mitzvah in the Torah is the hardest of all to fulfill. He answered that after examining and exploring every aspect of every mitzvah in the Torah, he concluded that the mitzvah of simchas Yom Tov is the hardest mitzvah of all to fulfill, as the obligation applies throughout the entire eight days of the Festival—night and day without a second’s pause.
This statement is so true, and something that we must all strive to achieve. Yet simultaneously, we must also recall other expressions made by Chazal that are most suited to our lives and circumstances, such as the discussion regarding marrying a woman “On condition that I’m a tzaddik. Even if he is a complete rasha, she is married to him, for perhaps he had a thought of teshuvah” (Kiddushin 49b). In a similar vein, we can fulfill the mitzvah of simchas Yom Tov according to the Rambam’s dictum of “A man is obligated to be happy then [during the Yamim Tovim] and with a joyous heart, he and his children and wife and household and all that he has, as written ‘And you should rejoice on your Festival. How? He gives the children roasted nuts and delicacies, and for the women he buys clothing and attractive jewelry according to his means, and the men eat meat and drink wine, as there is no simchah without meat and no simchah without wine.” (Hilchos Yom Tov 6:7-8)
Practically, the way to properly prepare for these days of teshuvah and simchah is by conducting an honest cheshbon hanefesh and knowing yourself. Based on the understanding and insights that you gain, you can choose the activities that foster the proper feelings in your heart. When you do this, I am confident that these days will cease to be an emotional burden for you, and on the contrary, will serve as a wonderful, uplifting and inspirational period of time that serves as a prelude and basis for a year of spiritual elevation.
With best wishes for a ksivah vachasimah tovah and a gut gebencht yor!
Comments